My Shitty Childhood Art

“Pizza Smile”

January 1999 (Age 7)

Pencil

A ‘pice’ of pizza? That must be a new, bigger portion size! All right!

Sticker Collection

1999 (Age 7)

What a great and organized sticker collection! It goes on in my journal for about 4 more pages.

“Police Officer”

November 1995 (Age 4)

Crayon

When I was little, I wanted to be a police officer. However, it looks like I thought police officers were actually the prisoners with their striped jumpsuits. Also, I spelled my name wrong. Like, really wrong.

Untitled

April 1996

Marker

No one knows what this is a drawing of… all I know is that I’m a little disturbed.

“Turtle”

March 1998 (Age 6)

Pencil and Colored Pencil

“Turtle was doing what turtles like to do—he was laying in the sun. He said, ‘I must be getting on I am late for my meeting!’ And this is what he said: ‘I was laying in the sun that is why I was late.’ ‘Well,’ said the chef, ‘Do not be late tomorrow.’ ‘Ok,’ he said and went home.”

“Birds and Tree”

January 1998 (Age 6)

Marker

Two suns, and does that one bird have a flower for a head? Hmm…

“Keyboard”

2006 (Age 15)

Film

Mounted crooked? Yes. Taken from a profound new angle? Yes. Oh wait, I actually see that every day from the exact same spot.

Self-Portrait

December 1997 (Age 6)

Pencil

Just another example of my “Spider Hands” period.

“I am Johanna”

1997 (Age 5)

Crayon

Picasso had a “Blue” period. I had a “Fat Neck and Spider Hands” period.

“People With Chicken Pox and the Sun”

October 1995 (Age 4)

Marker

How… nice. Wait, is that Yoda on the right?